Pen to Paper, Finger to Keyboard

As a homeschooling mother of four, I find it hard to take the time to write on my blog. This is why I joined NaBloPoMo. To make myself take the time to do something I love. Where did that part of me go and when did I lose her? When I was younger, I enjoyed writing stories outside of those required for school. I was put into the honor society in college because of a paper I wrote in an English class. So why did  I stop taking time for something that was/is a big part of me?

I remember when my first child was born, my world did a 180. No more was I that selfish 20-something, I had a life to care for and that life was all that mattered. Then came three more. I have put a lot on the back burners for them. Not that I regret it, far from it. I would rather be playing with them than holed up in an office, pounding away at the keyboard. I wouldn't miss their crazy antics for anything. 

But, I find my mind writing stories as I do things like the dishes, or laundry. And by the time I am done with  my task and could conceivably write down my thoughts, they are gone, like smoke. And so I move on to the next task, wishing I could recall my thoughts. What is a busy mom to do? 

And then there is my doubt. I think everything I create is awful, all the time. No matter who tells me how beautiful it is. Or how good it is. I even thought the paper that got me into the honor society sucked. I have no faith in my own abilities. How do I stop that person from rearing her ugly head? Even now, I think what I am writing in this post sucks. That you will think I am whining, or dumb. See, she pops into my head all the time. Why?????

So, that is why I signed up, I needed to put myself out there. To shut up my doubting self. To prove to myself that I can still do this. 

I just hope you don't think it sucks........