For the past 8 months, my husband was laid off from his teaching job. This past week, he is back to work at a new school, in a different city, which means we have to move and all the stress that comes with it. But, there is a silver lining to my stress. He is out of the house.
I know I heard a lot of wives just gasp in horror at the thought of talking about my husband this way. Don't worry, I love him very much. He is my best friend, gets my weirdness, and is an outstanding father. But, we need our time apart, to be us. For him it means playing online role-playing games, like you see all the guys on The Big Bang Theory do. He logs on a couple nights a week to battle digital monsters with friends from all over the world. It centers him, lets him relax.
Now, he could still do this while laid off, he didn't have to work the next day so why bother logging off at a certain time to be up for a job. And he was happy. I, however, was not.
I am a night owl, I hate going to bed before at least one in the morning. It gives me time to myself, the house is quiet, I putter around doing little things, while everyone else is sleeping. It is bliss. These past eight months, he has been up with me until we both go to bed. There goes my time. He wants to watch TV with me, so I put on something we both want to watch, not what I wanted to watch(because I try to be inclusive). Although, I have him watching Downton Abbey with me, mwahahahaha. Ahem.
So imagine my relief this week when he went back to work, and had to go to bed early. Choirs of space monkeys started singing. Time to myself again. Where I didn't have to care if someone was wanting to watch TV too! I could wander the house. I could giggle at stupid stuff on the Internet without being asked why! It's been so nice to just chilllllllll.
While he was laid off, we often joked we needed to get away from each other. He would impede me in the kitchen by going for a different drawer, I would get in his way while he brought laundry up to fold. It was a delicate dance to maintain a civil atmosphere. And we stumbled a lot. And sadly, sometimes in front of the kids. But, we would make up and know that eventually, the routine would return.
Which brings me to this point. Don't ever feel bad for NEEDING your space. We all need time to be ourselves, where no one will judge us for the goofy things we do. They don't tell you that about marriage, that it is okay to be apart, to have your own things to do. You need not be joined at the hip. Because if you don't get back to you, you will lose the person you are and the person that your spouse loves. Hide in the bathroom for a few minutes if you have to(parents know this one) but, please, just take time to be YOU.