Glitter

Grandmothers, grandmas, Nanas, or whatever you may call your parents’ mothers, they hold a special place in their grandchildren’s hearts, at least most of them do.  I lost my grandma very suddenly to a stomach aneurysm.  I had seen her the week before and had informed her that I was pregnant for the third time.  My mom and I had brought her some burritos from Taco Bell because she was sick of hospital food.  She was able to place her hand on my stomach as if vainly trying to touch the little life inside.  She would not know that it was a girl, my first girl, as I already had two little boys.  When my mother and father showed up at my door, two days after her birthday, the Sunday papers in hand, I knew something terrible had happened.  My Mamaw was a very special woman to me, someone who loved me unconditionally, and someone who kissed my finger when I was three and pricked my finger on the thorn of a rose.  I can never forget watching her stand at the stove, cooking fried potatoes, corn bread, beans, and fried chicken in her cast iron pots and how wonderful it made me feel inside.  We would sit at the kitchen table and watch TV after she picked me up from school.  There was always a snack and something to drink and both were filled with love.  She would put up with my cartoons as she sat there rubbing her hands with lotion.  I can still smell that lotion sometimes when I’m sitting alone, almost as if she’s sitting with me.  Sometimes strange things happen that make me think she’s really there watching over me and my family, watching her great grandchildren grow.

She wasn’t at my wedding, because instead of calling my parents’ house, she had called my mother’s work number and my mother was on vacation for the wedding.  I told her to call me if she wanted to come, but she never did so I assumed she didn’t want to come, a mistake I regret to this day.  I know she would have loved to be there and I should’ve called.  The artist Pink has a song out called Glitter, and there’s a part of the lyrics that can reduce me to a blubbering mess.  It is the part where she talks about someone being in a garden and holding a cup of coffee, calling her sugar.  My grandmother called me sugar and sat in the garden with a cup of coffee, and it consumes me with grief that my children will not get to hear her call them sugar.

I’ve had friends lose their grandparents suddenly and I know their pain.  So if you’re still lucky enough to have your grandparents in your life, thank your lucky stars because you never know how suddenly they may be gone.  And if you never have known your grandparents either because they were  gone before you were born or because for some reason they don’t want to be in your life, my heart cries  for you, never having known how special a grandparent’s love is. I love you Mamaw. I miss you with all my heart.  XOXOXO

Getting Settled

Remember how I told you about that leap we were taking? We took it and moved back to our homestate. It has been a stressful, exhausting, infuriating adventure but in just a few short weeks, it was all worth it. My mom can't stop saying how glad she is that we are back home. My kids were able to play in snow for the first time. We found a great house that is in a great neighborhood and is only five minutes from my husband's new job. It is such a relief to not have to fill up the gas tank every week.

My problem right now is restocking my pantry. I gave all our food to our friends who had little kids. I wasn't going to store it on the POD for a month, that was for sure and I like helping out people who are in the same situation we are. They are both teachers, her husband worked with mine. It was nice to help them out. I have restocked a little, Meijer had a great deal on mustard, olives, and diced tomatoes. Slowly but surely, I will get my pantry back up to snuff.

I am working right now on getting used to our new surroundings. We use our GPS to find stores we need and then drive home without it to get used to where we need to go. There are a few stores missing up here that I actually need like Party City! I always use them for my kids' parties. Also, there are no Krispy Kremes up here! In the world of doughnuts, I can only eat Krispy Kremes. They don't use peanuts or nuts in their doughnuts and since I am allergic, this is a good thing. The nearest one is over an hour away. I know, I know, first world problems.

I will get back to a regular schedule of updating the blog. It will be nice to be back to a routine. And I will tell you why you should never use PODS.

When Home Is So Far Away

A couple days ago, my mom informed me that she had an incident with my grandfather. My dad, on his way to pick her up from work, noticed that the police were at the house. On the way back, my mom stopped in to see what was wrong and an officer decided to berate my  mother about elder abuse. Luckily, my mother has a backbone and informed the officer that my grandfather repeatedly threatens her and my dad doesn't allow her to go over to my grandfather's house. The officer apologized but then upset my mother further by saying that he didn't think my grandfather wouldn't be around much longer anyway. They couldn't get my grandfather's attention for a long time. I think he may have had a small stroke. He wasn't taken to the hospital. He probably refused to go.

That same night, we got a phone call that my husband's grandmother had had a heart attack, albeit a small one. He was and is still very upset. Five months after we moved to Florida, his grandfather died. It had been one of his greatest fears when we left, that his grandfather would die. Now, again, he is in Florida, worrying that the same thing is about to happen. So far, she is doing well as can be expected.

The crux of the situation is that we are a two days drive from our family. If we push ourselves, we could be there in 24 hours. We feel a tremendous amount of guilt that we are not there to support our parents. They are getting older and having health issues of their own. My mother has crippling arthritis that may put her in a wheelchair if she doesn't have knee surgery. My dad has his own health issues. I can't expect him to take care of her all the time. My brother is still in college and has no way to get home every day. We are doing our best to get home, looking for teaching jobs in our home state. I told my husband I would sell everything just to get back home.

Do you live far from older relatives? Do you experience guilt over not being within driving distance?